there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize