I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There are leaves in my underwear?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize