All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
wat bout pragnant strippers??
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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