Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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