I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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