why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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