Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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