I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
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i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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