I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I supernannyed him into submission
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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