So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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