Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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