She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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