i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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