I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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