So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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