i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize