There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize