I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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