tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
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She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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