My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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