It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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