My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize