If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I could make wine with my vomit
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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