Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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