Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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