as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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