you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
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My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
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Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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