Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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