Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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