omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize