Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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