Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize