She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize