turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
FUCK WHALES
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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