I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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