The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The beer is more important than you right now.
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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