dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
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Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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