Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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