I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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