I just threw up on my dentist
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize