Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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