I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
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and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
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I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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