K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize