Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
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It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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