Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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