so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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