I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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