We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
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It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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