they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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