When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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